if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
