how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
