Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
