I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
