took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
