so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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