Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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