is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
