Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
