his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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