Having a random hookup so left but love u
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
