he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
