The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
