my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Boobs are out for the taking
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
