Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
