I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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