Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
