Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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