i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
