then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
