Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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