So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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