I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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