It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
