I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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