How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
