so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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