Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
