you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
