I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
