Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
