Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
