if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
