The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
