were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
