Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
