Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think my tv is drunk
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
