I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
