I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
