she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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