I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
