Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
