I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
