Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
