you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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