i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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