explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
