My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
