we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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