You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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