please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
