did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
